“Back to school” can be a hectic
time for families as they juggle schedules, readjust to a sleep/wake routine,
and have everything in perfect order for that first day. The last thing that either a parent or
child should have to worry about is the dreaded mean kid. Unfortunately, the anticipation of the
first day back brings with it a level of anxiety and stress for those that have
encountered problems with a mean kid in the past. Will the mean kid still be mean? Will the mean kid still be in my school? Will the mean kid still pick me to be
mean to? All of these questions
play on the minds of those who have been bullied.
160,000 students stay home from school everyday due to
bullying according to the National Education Agency. It is paramount for parents to take an active role in their
child’s education. Take part
in regular conversations pertaining to school at home and interact as much as
possible on school campuses. This
active role is the first step parents can take to bully proof their
children.
A parental presence is the number one deterrent for childhood bullies. Bullies prefer to be sneaky most of the
time. It is very easy for
parents and teachers to identify the kid that is mean to everyone, but it is
very difficult to identify the kid that is quietly mean to just one
person. This “quietly mean” child
can be the one who causes the most damage. Psychological abuse in the form of damaging words can leave
life-long scars that far surpass any physical abuse that one may
encounter. If your child has a
“best friend” but still seems to be withdrawn or unhappy, evaluate this
friendship immediately. Ask what
games are being played at school. Ask your child whom they are sitting with at lunch. Ask more than “how was your day?” When you ask more, you decrease the
chances of having the “it was fine” or the one answer “good” become another day
that a potential problem was ignored.
Mean parents raise mean
children. As parents, you need
to be aware of those “mean parents” that you may encounter. It is a no-brainer that behavior is
modeled, so the unfortunate result is the development of mean kids. Don’t spend every day of the school
year in the pick-up or drop-off line.
Walk your child into school once a week to reinforce a parental presence. Make it a priority to attend a
school-sponsored field trip, and attend at least 2 class parties throughout the
year. By engaging in conversation
with other parents and teachers, parents make themselves “available” to discuss
any problems that may be occurring. During this interaction, be on the look out for those mean
parents that seem to have a bad attitude every time you encounter them and
guide your child’s choice of friends accordingly.
Don’t be afraid to shake up your
social circle. Parents have to
be able to openly discuss the difficult issues that arise with each other
without taking offense. Children
are not emotionally mature enough to always act appropriately, but parents
should be. Undoubtedly, problems
can and will arise between children of the same social circle that need to be
addressed by parents. The key is
to deal with these problems directly with the parent whose child is involved
and leave out the uninvolved families.
Often times, parents are quick to complain to a third party, as they are
worried about upsetting their “social circle”. Parents must stand together or a greater degree of division
will occur between the children.
As the start of
the new school year begins, there are very important tips to share with
children to keep them from either becoming a bully or becoming the victim of a
bully. These critical messages are
very simple and should be reinforced throughout the school year.
1. DON’T BE MEAN.
Kids need to be able to RECOGNIZE
what “mean” is: hurtful words,
pushing/shoving/kicking, alienation, exclusion, facial reactions, etc…
2. TELL YOUR TEACHER.
Once a child recognizes this type of behavior, he/she needs
to be given the okay to REPORT this
behavior to a parent/teacher/counselor/principal, etc… Stop labeling children as
“tattle-tales”. Tattle –tales save
lives.
3. BE A FRIEND
After an incident has been reported, it is now time to REACT. A child needs to know that the nicer they are to all
children, the less chance they have of being bullied. Encourage your child to be the one that reaches out to the
child who has no friends.
Bli Marston Dugi, M-PAC
The Principle Gang, “No Bullies Allowed”
twitter: @principlegang
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